Jareth! Jareth! Jareth! (Journal Entry #87)

My fears grow. I know I am being foolish, perhaps. But I still feel someone watching me. Whenever I leave my room.

It doesn’t help that I see the Jareth warriors everywhere. I do mean everywhere now.

Mostly Navix and Cahum, though Boldek is often about. But since he is with Jayi, he does not scare me as much. Hard to be afraid of a male who follows his little female around like that. Yesterday, I almost bought a bag of dog treats in the gift shop for her to toss at him occasionally. He is that slobbery and devoted.

I fight the envy.

Meyka came to me before she left with Ryrk. To ensure I was ok and to ask me to forgive her brothers. To not make trouble for them. She… cared for their needs far more than she did mine, and I can understand that. They are her family.

I was just a childhood friend.

I don’t think we will ever be close friends again. Her brothers ruined that.

Ryrk surprised me when he hugged me and apologized. He… he felt more genuine than Meyka. She was mostly worried for her brothers than for me. I could sense that.

I do not know what I would feel if our positions were reversed. If it was my little Julea or even Kellis, with all her fire, hurt like that.

Her brothers’ actions changed everything. And it cost me a friend.

I grieve that.

Cahum… he still frightens me.

And he watches me, too. I have not let myself get near enough to him again. Definitely not close enough to ‘feel’ him.

Mostly because I am afraid to.

I am a coward, after all.

I cannot stay in my rooms forever. For one thing, I must earn my keep—that means the library and such. Yesterday, I could not eat in the cafeteria with the others who worked in the hotel—not without paying cash, for the first time in fifty years. That had been a part of what Theo had told me when I was consigned to never leave the hotel again—I could eat there once a day if needed.

But the female at the registered had told me no, that I was not welcome there, just running up a tab on Theo’s charity. Fortunately, I had some coin in my pocket to pay my tab.

She wore Jareth green. Go figure. A rather rude lot the Jareths can be.

Today… today I am going to speak to Theo. Figure out something of what my future holds.

I will never work for him again. That… I cannot do that now, even if I wanted to.

But I cannot stay in my room doing nothing, dependent on his charity. Yes, we are first cousins, but he is not responsible for me. Not for one minute.

My work for Alaun is consuming me. I need to be free to walk around again. I have so many answers to find about the demons now.

The demons who attacked me were terrifying, but Pin and her brother, her cousins, they were not much different from the warriors I have known my entire life, after all.

Aodhan and Cormac have given orders I am to remain in my room, mostly. My room and the dining room. That is it.

Cormac is still angry at me for embarrassing his House as publicly as I did. I am almost certain of it. It was the hearing of the decade, or so Julea had told me the last time she visited. Which was rare, as they have restricted my visitors as well. Saying it isn’t safe.

They are cutting me off from every tie I have. And I know they are doing it deliberately.

Theo is footing the bill for it. I do not know why my own cousin would do such a thing. I need… answers. It’s time I did something about this. I can’t stay here in the hotel forever.

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