The Emotional Mess that is a Jume (Journal Entry #81)

It’s getting easier. My shields are building. I was able to walk through the hotel last night with Jayi and not be overwhelmed—and I didn’t need her to wrap her healing gift around my soul to keep me from losing it. We didn’t go too far, just the dining room. But at least I am not stuck inside my cell—or the healer’s hall. 

It gave me hope I will eventually be able to have a normal life again. If what I have been living could be called normal.

Something is bothering Jayi. I can feel it, though I know she tries to shield herself from me, so that she doesn’t overwhelm. She is a wonderful healer. A strong one. 

And she has a sweet soul. 

I can feel that about others now. I can look into someone’s eyes and know whether they have malice in their heart, in their secret places, or if they are kind and good. 

I’m ready to give that little gift back to the goddess, thank you very much. 

I don’t want to know that the Urusus has evil in his soul that he doesn’t even know is there, that is growing. I just don’t want that. 

There are so many of our Kind that are selfish now. 

It is terrifying. I never realized how dark some of the Dardaptoans have become.

It explains why my work for Theo has felt so… dark and dim for the last several decades. All those emotions—I was subconsciously feeling them, too.

I wonder if Rydere, our Dhar, knows? Maybe that is why he no longer seems to have time for the lesser Houses? He’s too busy keeping wars from breaking out in the larger, more difficult Houses? But what wars could he have when the largest Houses only number in the two to three thousand population and a good portion of those are females and babes?

Still, who needs infighting right now? A divided tribe is a dead tribe. Every one should understand that.

But I have more pressing matters to deal with now.

Jayi is worrying me. The hurt in her soul—it is a deep one. No young female deserves to hurt like this.

I’m going to have to help her if I can.

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