Out of the dark again… (Journal Entry #80)

That… was one of the darkest weeks of my life. I am still not sure I am ready to talk about it. It’s been two weeks to the day. A lot has happened since then.

Theo took my side, and those Jareth buttheads (as Alleah has said) admitted to their actions and accepted restitution.

It fixed our problem at least.

The money they had to pay me covered the cost of the roof, and the forced labor they owed me… well…

They were experienced in construction. And were robust males capable of anything.

That… if I was a firm believer in the goddess, or the Fates, I would say the Fates were benefiting us now. But I am not so foolish.

I will admit, I’ve lost my faith in the goddess. And the Fates.

I started losing it eight years ago when I screamed for her to help my mother.

She hadn’t.

The goddess doesn’t hear our cries—at least she isn’t hearing those of the Woald—any longer.

She hasn’t in a long, long time.

I feel… stronger… than I did a month ago. I’m sorry I stopped blogging for so long. I just… spent most of the time in the healer’s hall just sleeping. Jayi, my healer and a new friend, said that was what I would need to do until the shields formed.

Apparently, I have always been an Empath. It was why I always just felt what those around me were thinking.

The change those buttheads (I really like that word) forced on me destroyed whatever natural checks I had on the gift (Apparently that is not uncommon in those with a little something extra. It is a way to protect us as we age—protect us from ourselves.)

Something happened that unlocked this gift inside of me.

I’m not sure I think of it as a gift at all.

Being able to feel what others feel?

It’s a constant bombardment of feelings. Of everything.

Sometimes I’m not even certain if it’s my feelings now, or the people near me.

Or the people in the next room, or one floor down, or one floor up, or the guards, or Coty and her sisters down the hall…

I’m still building those shields.

Maybe… maybe being at the hotel in my little suite on the sixth floor is a good thing.

If I was around people all day, I don’t know that I could stay sane at all…

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